Wrestling

My morning ritual consists of hollering at the kids to "keep it down up there" while drinking my coffee and watching Good Morning America (rewound on the DVR because I'm too lazy to actually wake up at 7am when it starts). This morning there was a family featured in the "AmeriCAN" section that had given up their 4000 sq. ft. house to travel around the country with their family in an RV, serving in rescue missions along the way. They call their mission "Crazy Love in Action".

God's been working on me lately, reminding me of all He's blessed us with. I saw a shirt at the Compassion International website that said "The opposite of poverty isn't wealth, it's enough." Wow! That just pierced my heart. We have way more than enough, but what are we doing with it? What's so special about us that God gives us so much? Nothing, that's what. We aren't worthy, He is.

One Christmas we spent with Will's family, his sister Donna arranged for the whole family to take gifts to a teen shelter. I had not mentally prepared for this, so I couldn't understand why we couldn't just spend the day together as a family. What touched me though was hearing one of the girls say that this was the first year she'd ever received a present for Christmas. EVER. Think about that. Think about running all over town to get your kid the "perfect gift". Think about all those gifts you buy each year out of obligation. Think about the office party gifts, the church group gifts, the teacher gifts. Think about the gift your husband or parents bought you that made you question if they even really know you at all, because if they did they would never have bought you something so ridiculous. Now think about all that going away and not ever getting a gift period.

Last year my then-7 year old, Emma, told us that she did not want us to buy her a gift for Christmas. She wanted us to instead send the money we would have spent on her to St. Jude's Children's Hospital because she'd seen their commercials and wanted to DO something. Every year we do our "Operation Shoebox" with the kids and they have such joy choosing all the little items to put in.

This year, I want to be different. I am so tired of wasting my life, wasting my blessings. I looked up the John 3:16 Mission's website and I'm planning to start there. I want to take my kids there to serve a meal or help sort their food, or just DO something. I don't want it to just be a Christmas thing, but a Christ-in-me thing. Can you believe I have a garage full of things I want to get rid of (that didn't sell at the garage sale we had) and there are people coming to these shelters that just need things for their home. I'm sick of being selfish!!!

You know what else though? I'm scared. I'm scared of the part of town the shelter is in. I'm scared I might get lost on the way over there. I'm scared the people might smell funny. I'm scared they might want to talk to me and I'll be uncomfortable. I'm scared I might do the wrong thing. I'm scared that if I'm serving there, I'll be missing out on something else I could be doing. What I think scares me the most is that I will actually like it, and I'll feel the need to do it again.

All these things are excuses (and not even good ones). Why do I let them hold me back? What am I teaching my kids by NOT serving. Doesn't the Bible say that if you know the right thing to do and don't do it, that's sin? So, okay, I've made up my mind. I'm gonna do it. Now, who wants to go with me?