My morning ritual consists of hollering at the kids to "keep it down up there" while drinking my coffee and watching Good Morning America (rewound on the DVR because I'm too lazy to actually wake up at 7am when it starts). This morning there was a family featured in the "AmeriCAN" section that had given up their 4000 sq. ft. house to travel around the country with their family in an RV, serving in rescue missions along the way. They call their mission "Crazy Love in Action".
God's been working on me lately, reminding me of all He's blessed us with. I saw a shirt at the Compassion International website that said "The opposite of poverty isn't wealth, it's enough." Wow! That just pierced my heart. We have way more than enough, but what are we doing with it? What's so special about us that God gives us so much? Nothing, that's what. We aren't worthy, He is.
One Christmas we spent with Will's family, his sister Donna arranged for the whole family to take gifts to a teen shelter. I had not mentally prepared for this, so I couldn't understand why we couldn't just spend the day together as a family. What touched me though was hearing one of the girls say that this was the first year she'd ever received a present for Christmas. EVER. Think about that. Think about running all over town to get your kid the "perfect gift". Think about all those gifts you buy each year out of obligation. Think about the office party gifts, the church group gifts, the teacher gifts. Think about the gift your husband or parents bought you that made you question if they even really know you at all, because if they did they would never have bought you something so ridiculous. Now think about all that going away and not ever getting a gift period.
Last year my then-7 year old, Emma, told us that she did not want us to buy her a gift for Christmas. She wanted us to instead send the money we would have spent on her to St. Jude's Children's Hospital because she'd seen their commercials and wanted to DO something. Every year we do our "Operation Shoebox" with the kids and they have such joy choosing all the little items to put in.
This year, I want to be different. I am so tired of wasting my life, wasting my blessings. I looked up the John 3:16 Mission's website and I'm planning to start there. I want to take my kids there to serve a meal or help sort their food, or just DO something. I don't want it to just be a Christmas thing, but a Christ-in-me thing. Can you believe I have a garage full of things I want to get rid of (that didn't sell at the garage sale we had) and there are people coming to these shelters that just need things for their home. I'm sick of being selfish!!!
You know what else though? I'm scared. I'm scared of the part of town the shelter is in. I'm scared I might get lost on the way over there. I'm scared the people might smell funny. I'm scared they might want to talk to me and I'll be uncomfortable. I'm scared I might do the wrong thing. I'm scared that if I'm serving there, I'll be missing out on something else I could be doing. What I think scares me the most is that I will actually like it, and I'll feel the need to do it again.
All these things are excuses (and not even good ones). Why do I let them hold me back? What am I teaching my kids by NOT serving. Doesn't the Bible say that if you know the right thing to do and don't do it, that's sin? So, okay, I've made up my mind. I'm gonna do it. Now, who wants to go with me?
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Just some rambling...
This is how my mind is working nowdays...I was thinking about something while playing a game on facebook (probably Bejeweled Blitz, but who can remember?). I thought, "Hey, that would make a good blog." So I looked in my favorites, found the link to my blog, looked at it for a minute trying to remember how to do a new post, logged in, scanned through some recent entries on my friends' blogs, and by the time I got to this here box doohickey, I have completely forgotten why I came here in the first place. If you know me, you are not surprised. If you don't know me, why are you here? All that to say, this post may be more all over the map than usual.
First thing I'm thinking about: school. I've got 5th, 3rd, and 1st graders this year. Last week I sat down and made a list of all the books I've purchased over the last several years that I intended to use for homeschooling. I'm stunned at how much I have. Here I was thinking I had nothing, but it turns out I have way more than I will probably ever use. Of course, I can't part with any of it because I might decide I really do want to do those science experiments or have my kids do a paper on Amelia Earhart or study European model trains. Ooooo...but that would require me to actually be involved, and *stamps foot* I don't wanna go to school! I have great dreams for what kind of homeschooling mommy I want to be, but at the end of the day (or I guess the beginning) I'm just too lazy. Every year I think, this is the year I get off my butt and do those fun learning things with my kids. And every year I hand them their books and say, "Go do your school." On the plus side, my kids are learning to be independent. On the negative side, they're in their world, and I'm in mine. Do not be disheartened, God is working on me!
Second thing on my mind: being overwhelmed by the future. When I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down, so I'm really, really trying not to do that, but I look at all that's coming up and lump it all into one big pile, and promptly freak out. I project how hard something will be or how busy it will make me, or how much it will cost, and because I (who have no control over anything) can't imagine how I'll handle it all I think I can't do any of it. So nothing gets done. And these are all things I actually want to do, so I get so frustrated with myself. Ethan will be doing 5th grade stuff at church now, and I am super-excited for him, but that means we'll have to mess with dropping him off and picking him up when there aren't any classes going on for the rest of us on Wednesdays. Oh, yeah, then there's the classes on Wednesdays. Do I want to take a class? What if there aren't any I want to take? Should I help with the kids? Can I get by with just sending Will and the kids? I'll already be doing a Monday night Bible Study, so is 2 too many? Oh yeah, the Monday night thing. Which week would work best for taking a snack? What else is going on those weeks that might interfere with my going, or render me too, I don't know, tired, to whip something up. What would I take anyway? Everything I try to make seems to end in catastrophe. I am plagued by self-doubt, insecurity, loneliness, and selfishness. Surely I'm the only one, right?
Third thing: We are not broke. I know we say we are, but God has blessed us abundantly, and we are poor stewards of His blessings. We have more than we need, but we have tied it up in debt, so while we are not broke, neither are we free. I catch myself thinking, "When we get out of debt, this is what I'm gonna buy." So I can get back into debt? I don't know. Anyway, being in debt is certainly not a blessing, but God is using it, hopefully for His glory. I am learning to be content with what I have, and also to be thankful for it. When I walk across our horrid tile floor (don't ask), and I'm tempted to complain about how much I hate it, I have to choose to be thankful that we have a floor that is not dirt, and that God has provided us with a home that shelters us and where we can welcome our friends and family. The other day I had to drive Will's car, and it does not have air conditioning. I believe the temp was around 101 that day. It was hot. I began the 20 minute drive thinking, "I hate this car! I'm mad that Will wasn't home when he said he'd be, so now I have to drive this piece of crap, and by the time I get to where I'm going I'll be all sweaty and nasty." But then God reminded me about something I read about when kids get older and start telling their parents "I hate you!" it's usually because they've heard their parents talk so much about what they hate. Instead I started thinking how thankful I am that we have 2 vehicles, that I have somewhere to go (to an ice cream party with my girlfriends), and that I won't be spending eternity in a place hotter than the car. I began listing off every thing I could be thankful for, and ya know, by the time I got there, I hadn't been focused on how hot I was, so I really didn't even notice it that much. Plus I was in a great mood! On the way home I purposed that whenever I start to complain about something, I'll look for a way to be thankful instead, because that's what I want my kids to learn too. So now I'm thankful for that ride in the car with no a/c. God is funny in what He chooses to use to get our attention.
I'm sure there are other things rambling around in my brain, but perhaps I've revealed too much already. That's it for this post, folks!
First thing I'm thinking about: school. I've got 5th, 3rd, and 1st graders this year. Last week I sat down and made a list of all the books I've purchased over the last several years that I intended to use for homeschooling. I'm stunned at how much I have. Here I was thinking I had nothing, but it turns out I have way more than I will probably ever use. Of course, I can't part with any of it because I might decide I really do want to do those science experiments or have my kids do a paper on Amelia Earhart or study European model trains. Ooooo...but that would require me to actually be involved, and *stamps foot* I don't wanna go to school! I have great dreams for what kind of homeschooling mommy I want to be, but at the end of the day (or I guess the beginning) I'm just too lazy. Every year I think, this is the year I get off my butt and do those fun learning things with my kids. And every year I hand them their books and say, "Go do your school." On the plus side, my kids are learning to be independent. On the negative side, they're in their world, and I'm in mine. Do not be disheartened, God is working on me!
Second thing on my mind: being overwhelmed by the future. When I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down, so I'm really, really trying not to do that, but I look at all that's coming up and lump it all into one big pile, and promptly freak out. I project how hard something will be or how busy it will make me, or how much it will cost, and because I (who have no control over anything) can't imagine how I'll handle it all I think I can't do any of it. So nothing gets done. And these are all things I actually want to do, so I get so frustrated with myself. Ethan will be doing 5th grade stuff at church now, and I am super-excited for him, but that means we'll have to mess with dropping him off and picking him up when there aren't any classes going on for the rest of us on Wednesdays. Oh, yeah, then there's the classes on Wednesdays. Do I want to take a class? What if there aren't any I want to take? Should I help with the kids? Can I get by with just sending Will and the kids? I'll already be doing a Monday night Bible Study, so is 2 too many? Oh yeah, the Monday night thing. Which week would work best for taking a snack? What else is going on those weeks that might interfere with my going, or render me too, I don't know, tired, to whip something up. What would I take anyway? Everything I try to make seems to end in catastrophe. I am plagued by self-doubt, insecurity, loneliness, and selfishness. Surely I'm the only one, right?
Third thing: We are not broke. I know we say we are, but God has blessed us abundantly, and we are poor stewards of His blessings. We have more than we need, but we have tied it up in debt, so while we are not broke, neither are we free. I catch myself thinking, "When we get out of debt, this is what I'm gonna buy." So I can get back into debt? I don't know. Anyway, being in debt is certainly not a blessing, but God is using it, hopefully for His glory. I am learning to be content with what I have, and also to be thankful for it. When I walk across our horrid tile floor (don't ask), and I'm tempted to complain about how much I hate it, I have to choose to be thankful that we have a floor that is not dirt, and that God has provided us with a home that shelters us and where we can welcome our friends and family. The other day I had to drive Will's car, and it does not have air conditioning. I believe the temp was around 101 that day. It was hot. I began the 20 minute drive thinking, "I hate this car! I'm mad that Will wasn't home when he said he'd be, so now I have to drive this piece of crap, and by the time I get to where I'm going I'll be all sweaty and nasty." But then God reminded me about something I read about when kids get older and start telling their parents "I hate you!" it's usually because they've heard their parents talk so much about what they hate. Instead I started thinking how thankful I am that we have 2 vehicles, that I have somewhere to go (to an ice cream party with my girlfriends), and that I won't be spending eternity in a place hotter than the car. I began listing off every thing I could be thankful for, and ya know, by the time I got there, I hadn't been focused on how hot I was, so I really didn't even notice it that much. Plus I was in a great mood! On the way home I purposed that whenever I start to complain about something, I'll look for a way to be thankful instead, because that's what I want my kids to learn too. So now I'm thankful for that ride in the car with no a/c. God is funny in what He chooses to use to get our attention.
I'm sure there are other things rambling around in my brain, but perhaps I've revealed too much already. That's it for this post, folks!
Monday, June 1, 2009
The end of an era
'Tis a bittersweet moment. We've gone to 6 graduations, 6 graduation parties, spent 5 years with an amazing group of girls, watched them all as they blossomed into amazing young women, then *poof*. Just like that, it's over. I thank God for allowing me to be a part of something pretty darn wonderful, and I can't believe it's done. Hopefully, I'll still be a part of my girls' lives, but it won't be the same as spending time with them every week. Hopefully they learned something from me about God and life, but I probably won't know til I get to Heaven. I take no credit for their servant spirits, their mission desires, their strength of character. That was all God, and He had some great material to work with. Anyway, while I'm kinda excited to have a mostly clear calendar, I'm going to miss it. I don't think I know yet just how much I'm going to miss it.
Now my calendar begins to fill with activities for my own kids. No more excuses of doing stuff with "the big girls". No more, "Not now, honey, Mommy's planning something." Summer is full of possibilities and adventure. Of course, the real adventure will be seeing how much we can do on a skeletal budget! I need to relax and enjoy these days because soon school will begin again in earnest and I need to be prepared. We'll be in 5th grade, 3rd grade, and 1st grade this fall and this will be the time to get my butt in gear and make school what I dream it can be.
Gotta get ready now...we're hitting the free movie this afternoon @ Riverwalk.
Now my calendar begins to fill with activities for my own kids. No more excuses of doing stuff with "the big girls". No more, "Not now, honey, Mommy's planning something." Summer is full of possibilities and adventure. Of course, the real adventure will be seeing how much we can do on a skeletal budget! I need to relax and enjoy these days because soon school will begin again in earnest and I need to be prepared. We'll be in 5th grade, 3rd grade, and 1st grade this fall and this will be the time to get my butt in gear and make school what I dream it can be.
Gotta get ready now...we're hitting the free movie this afternoon @ Riverwalk.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Critical Thinking
It has been said of me that I am most happy when I have something to complain about. I won't dispute that, because by nature I am a very critical person. My husband said the other day that if you can get something past me, it must be pretty good because I will pick it apart and tell you what's wrong with it. I know that sounds pretty negative, and, sure, it can be that way, but we can't all be Miss Pollyanna Sunshine. Someone needs to be realistic.
All that to say, last night was freaking awesome!!! I can't stand reality shows, and society's idea of "romance" makes me want to vomit, so to say I'm not a fan of "The Bachelor" is somewhat of an understatement. Yet because the lack of entertainment on Mondays after "Chuck" is over, I will usually tune in to see the last episode of "The Bachelor" just to see one of the girls go home in tears. I know, I am so cruel. Quit your whining. It's a rare treat to see all 3 of the parties involved end up crying, so last night's finale was right up my alley. I would just like to say, they know these girls are going to be in the limo bawling their eyes out, couldn't they have a box of tissues in there? One more thing -- what a blubbering idiot. I fully believe real men can cry. Jesus himself wept, so there's your standard, and my husband isn't afraid to cry if he feels like it. But, gee, this guy was over the top.
Okay, first of all, if I knew my man was going out with 20-some-odd other women I would drop his sorry butt, so I don't know how or why these pathetic lonely-hearts put themselves through that. And then they go on an "overnight" date with the guy and they still want to be with him, knowing he was just on another overnight date with some other chick the night before. Is it any wonder then, when he dumps you on national tv six months or so later saying he's in love with someone else and can't control how he feels? He just fed the other woman that same line right before he dumped her for you. What happens six months or 10 years into this new relationship when he meets some little chippy at work and can't help how he feels about her? The fact is, you absolutely CAN control how you feel, which is why it's called a "feeling" not a "doing".
Why was he so surprised when everything was "different" after the show? Let's see, the cameras are gone and there's no more competition with the other girls, so YEAH, I'm thinking it might be just a teensy bit different. You mean he actually thought the show was REAL? What a loser.
I don't know confuses me more: men and women who still want to be a part of this show, or the men and women who watch this drivel every week. THIS IS NOT ROMANCE!!! It's really not even "reality". This is why we have the need for conferences to teach our young people what it is to be a REAL man or woman. I am so sick of having to change the channel when commercials come on for these shows because I don't want my husband or children to have to witness the endless parade of half-naked women throwing themselves at this one man (and who is this guy anyway that he's such a find?). This is what society's children now find perfectly acceptable. Seriously?! It makes me nauseous.
Can you imagine if these two end up married and have kids. What a story for the grand-kids. "Grandpa, tell us how you and Grandma met and fell in love."
"Well, you see kids, Grandpa was married, but that didn't work out. So he went on this tv show and fell in love, but that didn't work out and she dumped him. So he got his own show and met two woman and fell in love, but he could only pick one, so he got engaged, but that didn't work out, so he dumped her. Then he went back to the first one (who is Grandma) and picked her again." Hmm...I'm sensing a pattern here.
Anyway, I was positively giddy watching the show last night because it was so easy to make fun of and comment on in a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" kind of way. I mean, if you knew when a train wreck was going to happen, wouldn't you set up your lawn chair to watch? Ahhh...let sweeps month begin! I'd say we're off to a great start. I loved how the host could barely contain himself. The producers must have been breaking out the champagne and dancing backstage. Ratings....that's reality!
All that to say, last night was freaking awesome!!! I can't stand reality shows, and society's idea of "romance" makes me want to vomit, so to say I'm not a fan of "The Bachelor" is somewhat of an understatement. Yet because the lack of entertainment on Mondays after "Chuck" is over, I will usually tune in to see the last episode of "The Bachelor" just to see one of the girls go home in tears. I know, I am so cruel. Quit your whining. It's a rare treat to see all 3 of the parties involved end up crying, so last night's finale was right up my alley. I would just like to say, they know these girls are going to be in the limo bawling their eyes out, couldn't they have a box of tissues in there? One more thing -- what a blubbering idiot. I fully believe real men can cry. Jesus himself wept, so there's your standard, and my husband isn't afraid to cry if he feels like it. But, gee, this guy was over the top.
Okay, first of all, if I knew my man was going out with 20-some-odd other women I would drop his sorry butt, so I don't know how or why these pathetic lonely-hearts put themselves through that. And then they go on an "overnight" date with the guy and they still want to be with him, knowing he was just on another overnight date with some other chick the night before. Is it any wonder then, when he dumps you on national tv six months or so later saying he's in love with someone else and can't control how he feels? He just fed the other woman that same line right before he dumped her for you. What happens six months or 10 years into this new relationship when he meets some little chippy at work and can't help how he feels about her? The fact is, you absolutely CAN control how you feel, which is why it's called a "feeling" not a "doing".
Why was he so surprised when everything was "different" after the show? Let's see, the cameras are gone and there's no more competition with the other girls, so YEAH, I'm thinking it might be just a teensy bit different. You mean he actually thought the show was REAL? What a loser.
I don't know confuses me more: men and women who still want to be a part of this show, or the men and women who watch this drivel every week. THIS IS NOT ROMANCE!!! It's really not even "reality". This is why we have the need for conferences to teach our young people what it is to be a REAL man or woman. I am so sick of having to change the channel when commercials come on for these shows because I don't want my husband or children to have to witness the endless parade of half-naked women throwing themselves at this one man (and who is this guy anyway that he's such a find?). This is what society's children now find perfectly acceptable. Seriously?! It makes me nauseous.
Can you imagine if these two end up married and have kids. What a story for the grand-kids. "Grandpa, tell us how you and Grandma met and fell in love."
"Well, you see kids, Grandpa was married, but that didn't work out. So he went on this tv show and fell in love, but that didn't work out and she dumped him. So he got his own show and met two woman and fell in love, but he could only pick one, so he got engaged, but that didn't work out, so he dumped her. Then he went back to the first one (who is Grandma) and picked her again." Hmm...I'm sensing a pattern here.
Anyway, I was positively giddy watching the show last night because it was so easy to make fun of and comment on in a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" kind of way. I mean, if you knew when a train wreck was going to happen, wouldn't you set up your lawn chair to watch? Ahhh...let sweeps month begin! I'd say we're off to a great start. I loved how the host could barely contain himself. The producers must have been breaking out the champagne and dancing backstage. Ratings....that's reality!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Old friends, new friends
I just love facebook. I love being able to share pictures with friends and family. I love keeping track of my favorite tv shows, authors, and other interests. I simply adore writing notes rather than creating endless email forwards of the same things. But what I enjoy most of all is keeping in touch with friends. It's quite exciting finding people you used to know and hearing how their lives have changed in the last 10-20 years. And when you find one friend, you get to see who all they are friends with and "friend" those people too. I will admit though, it is somewhat odd becoming facebook friends with people I went to school with but rarely spoke too, and now it's all "Oh my goodness! It's you! How are you? It's so good to see you!" It's kind of amusing. I'm enjoying it though. I realize that people grow and change, and if I had known most of my current friends in high school, I doubt we would have been that close either. When Will and I got married, I wanted a completely fresh start, and I pretty much severed any ties I had to my "old" life. I finally feel like I'm at a place in my life where I can go back and say it wasn't all bad. Thankfully, the technology is there to be able to do that now. What's funny is that one of the people I found lives within a few miles of me. Weird.
I saw a sign on someone's car recently that said "life is good." It made me start thinking: Life sucks. God is good. Not that I haven't been incredibly blessed by a loving husband, great kids, and amazing friends, but "life" didn't do that, God did. All this world has to offer is pain, which reminds me of CS Lewis' quote, "The pain now is part of the happiness then." If it weren't for all the sorrow we experience, heaven might not be as sweet. I know we'd be much more hesitant to leave this world and step into the next.
So. God is good. Live like it.
I saw a sign on someone's car recently that said "life is good." It made me start thinking: Life sucks. God is good. Not that I haven't been incredibly blessed by a loving husband, great kids, and amazing friends, but "life" didn't do that, God did. All this world has to offer is pain, which reminds me of CS Lewis' quote, "The pain now is part of the happiness then." If it weren't for all the sorrow we experience, heaven might not be as sweet. I know we'd be much more hesitant to leave this world and step into the next.
So. God is good. Live like it.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Thank goodness for the new year!
What a way to start off the year...sick. I'm just glad last year is over! Let's see, our health was under attack, our ministry was attacked, our children were under attack, our marriage was attacked, our finances were attacked, our extended family was attacked, ummm.....what else? I guess Satan felt threatened by whatever it is that we're doing right and decided to try to sidetrack us. Well, fortunately, I feel like we came out stronger because of it, praise God, and it is only through His strength and grace and mercy that I feel like I can say that. I learned so much about Him last year and I'm so thankful for the beauty that came from the ashes.
I must say I am looking forward to what this year will bring. This is my last year in Cell ministry, and as much as I love my girls I am looking forward to some down time, especially due to all the changes and upheaval the past few months have brought. Also this year, Will and I plan to have a ceremony to renew our vows. I know 13 is not a milestone anniversary (or even a lucky number), but God has granted us a renewal of our marriage, and I don't want to wait to celebrate that. I'm hoping to really do it up big.
By the end of the year we'll be that much closer to getting out of debt again, so maybe we'll be able to start putting some money towards a newer car for Will. Or maybe a fridge, or new windows for the house, or a new heating & air system, or re-doing my bathroom, or fixing the stairs, or maybe even schoolbooks for the kids. If you know Santa personally, could you pass my list along? I promise I'll be good. Mostly.
Even though today isn't really that much different than a week ago or even a month ago, a new year brings new opportunities to grow and to serve. It's a time to put the past behind us and hit the "reset" button. It's a time to "forget what lies behind and press on toward the goal". Let's get 2009 started!
I must say I am looking forward to what this year will bring. This is my last year in Cell ministry, and as much as I love my girls I am looking forward to some down time, especially due to all the changes and upheaval the past few months have brought. Also this year, Will and I plan to have a ceremony to renew our vows. I know 13 is not a milestone anniversary (or even a lucky number), but God has granted us a renewal of our marriage, and I don't want to wait to celebrate that. I'm hoping to really do it up big.
By the end of the year we'll be that much closer to getting out of debt again, so maybe we'll be able to start putting some money towards a newer car for Will. Or maybe a fridge, or new windows for the house, or a new heating & air system, or re-doing my bathroom, or fixing the stairs, or maybe even schoolbooks for the kids. If you know Santa personally, could you pass my list along? I promise I'll be good. Mostly.
Even though today isn't really that much different than a week ago or even a month ago, a new year brings new opportunities to grow and to serve. It's a time to put the past behind us and hit the "reset" button. It's a time to "forget what lies behind and press on toward the goal". Let's get 2009 started!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Hair today...gone tomorrow!
I finally did it! I got so sick of my long hair I went today and got about 10-12 inches taken off. I had the salon send it in for me to be donated to Locks of Love. Saves me from having to go buy a padded envelope to put it in. I feel so free not to have this ponytail wrapping around my neck! Ugh! It took forever to dry it and it shed (shedded?) like crazy. It tended to part itself down the middle which enabled me to do a fairly passable Cher impersonation. I feel so light and free now, and maybe a little bit sassy. It is just a smidge shorter than I wanted, but it will grow back quickly. It's a little longer than chin length, kind of angled in around my face, softly layered in the back, and I now have the long swoopy bangs. I've had a similar cut before and I really like it. I highly recommend finding a good stylist and just telling her to go at it and do what she wants with your hair. They have so much fun and it beats trying to figure it out on you own. I tried putting some pics on here but I've never done that before so one got cut in half. Oh well.
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